Happiness Comes from Mindfulness

Most of us spend countless years of our lives in the pursuit of happiness. We work long hours, lose sleep, compromise our health, and rush through what should be luxuriated-in moments of life and love and family, in the name of happiness, and often feel at a loss to actually find any at all. The truth is, of course, that happiness is not somewhere we need to get to; it is right in front of us all the time. But, how do we find it? How can we see and experience and access this state of blissful potential?


The answer is simple and found in the singular act of being quiet. By sitting in silence for short periods of time, and focusing naturally on our breathing, new awarenesses of happiness become possible and increasingly more accessible. In our hyper, Internet-speediness, taking some time to be still is an important counter-balance to our otherwise runaway lives.


In the same way that a glass of water mixed with sand becomes cloudy when shaken, the human mind experiences similar confusion when it is impacted by the cacophony of the everyday world, with all the decisions we are called upon to make in our lives. Yet, when the glass of sandy water has time to settle, when it is left alone, the water eventually regains its natural clarity. This is also true of the mind; when given time and space to settle, intelligence and intuition will prevail over rumination, worry, and emotional upheaval.


It turns out that mindful attention to the breath, and subsequently to the present moment, is good training for enlightenment. The Buddha discovered the truth of finding peace through stillness 2500 years ago when, through his meditation practice, he saw that one’s attitude toward the things of life is more important to achieving a state of happiness, than the actual events of life, themselves. This realization was key.


Cultivating a mindful presence, that is, being fully aware of whatever is going on in the present moment, with acceptance, is the actual route to happiness, to contentment, and to living a fulfilling life. Acceptance, rather than resistance, is the secret handshake of those who’ve developed the capacity to experience joy, no matter what. Present moment attention is the password for those who radiate bliss, even within the storms that gather on the shores of our lives. Feeling all the facets of our life give it the depth and profundity that elude us in times of existential malaise.


Interestingly, it takes tremendous courage to just sit still with ourselves, as we learn first to observe and then to ride the tide of our own breath. Strangely, we find comfort in the noise of pop culture and lose ourselves easily in conspicuous consumption. But true happiness does not come from the acquisition of things and the constant churning of activity. Instead, lasting happiness comes from connecting with the preciousness of our own breath, and then relating to others through a sense of shared humanity.

Above All, Be True To Yourself

Junior high school isn't the only time that we waste precious years trying to fit in, and end up faking our way through life rather than authentically living it. Most of us suffer from this condition well into adulthood: a loss of and subsequent search for self that can end up lasting a lifetime. But what does it even mean to live an "authentic life," and how does trying to be someone you're not backfire in the end and leave you feeling empty and alone?

In the first few years of life, we are open to experience as it unfolds before us. We are in the flow of life, learning and growing and becoming more aware. Then, once we become socialized, as early as nursery or preschool, and get bullied or ostracized or criticized by one of our young friends, the seeds of shame are planted and we start to doubt ourselves. We start to wonder, am I OK? Am I acceptable to my peers? Will I be admired by others, or shunned? These are the questions that plague us to some degree or other through grade school and beyond.

Rather than trying to fit into the mosaic of the world around us, however, perhaps it would be better to explore the qualities and characteristics of who we inherently are, instead. Everyone has a gift. Everyone is good at something. If our energies are focused on keeping up with the Joneses, or feeling that we need to assume roles that are not in harmony with our true nature, we will be steered off course, and may never discover those gifts that are ours alone to give.

We can put on the trendiest clothes from the best store, with hair looking just right, we can walk among our fellow men/women and engender envy, all while a voice inside our head continually tells us the truth: We are living a lie. It usually takes a crisis of confidence to bring us face-to-face with the paradox: true self vs. false self, vying for power. Suddenly, the hypocrisy is so clear we can no longer deny it. This is the point when many people see the choice for what might be the first time: to either live a life of authenticity and genuineness, or pay the price that comes with living an inauthentic life. Buried in this moment is the chance to break free.

A certain attitude is necessary to live authentically. First, there must be an air of playfulness, not taking it all too seriously. An easy touch and a sense of humor lightens the load. Courage is the next quality needed to stand up to the naysayers who freely offer unsolicited and unwanted opinions. Focused attention on your own heart will aid in searching for the essence of your being, and facilitate exploration of the things that make you happy, quite naturally. Feelings of joyful engagement are a great clue that you are being drawn in the right direction, as true passions are revealed.

How can you be sure you're making authentic decisions along the way? How will you know what to do and which paths to take? By asking, "What will I want to have done with my life? How do I want to be remembered?" It is helpful to look at things that way. Death is morbid and no one wants to think about it. Western society shuns any conversation of impermanence, which has the unintended effect of making a full embrace of life almost impossible. On the other hand, if you realize that life is a limited engagement and not a dress rehearsal, it helps hyper-focus attention on what is important which inspires authenticity.

Running after popularity or needing to own the latest consumerist must-have is no way to live. When you realize you are living more for the outside than from the inside, it is time to take a break and look for the way back to your authentic self.

Originally published in the Royal Oak Tribune, February 7, 2010